As I write this I feel that my heart is broken in many pieces.
We just found out that our two-year-old boy has Autism.
This little boy is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.
I adore him with all my heart.
I know that today is the first day of a new life for all of us in our family.
I know that many things are going to change.
We also have a 4-year-old girl and a 15-year-old teenager.
We are strong and smart people and I know that we will know how to deal with this.
But strength and intelligence doesn't change the way I feel right now.
I am in pain, a deep pain that I can't explain.
I don't want my little boy to suffer rejection. I want people to love
and understand him, I want him to be happy.
I will do anything to make sure that our boy is happy.
I need to be stronger than ever for him and for the rest of my family.
As I write this I feel that my heart is broken in many pieces.
Cut cut cut. Scissors, porcelain, fragile, etc. I made a large series of porcelain scissors in 2001 when I just moved to the USA. I didn't know exactly why I was making them. Today I think that I was feeling fragile because I was changing my whole life. I was moving to a new country, I couldn't communicate well in English, I was leaving behind a life that took me years to build. I was scared, I felt insecure and again I found a way to express through my work. I have learned so much in the last seven years of my life. So many things have happened to me; I remarried, I had a car accident, I had a miscarriage, I had two children, I learned a new language, I learned how to drive... Scissors are a good representation on life. Scissors can cut up things which sounds like destructive but you also need them in order to make other things like the clothes that we cover our bodies with. I think that in life anytime when something is cut off from you, you gain something new.
the ability to endure
waiting or delay
without becoming annoyed,
or to persevere calmly
when faced with difficulties
The title of this painting is: The Exercise of Eternal Patience. You can see that the girl is riding a bicycle. At the same time she collects the fruits of her mind and puts them in a bag in order to plant their seeds to obtain more fruits. It is a whole cycle, a way to represent the idea of growing up emotionally. That’s what I was doing when I was in my twenties. But the truth is that we never stop growing up. Everyday you wake up to learn something new about yourself, about the people around you and about everything else.
Imagine that we are riding a bicycle that takes us to new places everyday. That imaginary bicycle is our curiosity and our interest to explore life. Exploration takes energy and time but that’s the only way for us to find our place in life. And the right place is not exactly the physical place where you live; it is a place in your mind where you finally feel happy about who you are. The funny thing is that we are what we are since we are born but for some reason it is hard for us to realize about this. We have the wrong expectations about ourselves, we always want to be something else and that keeps us away from our essence. But all we need is to be PATIENT and keep going because little by little, inch by inch we will be closer and closer to our real home which is: OURSELVES.
Sometimes we become something else in order to adapt to our surroundings, to get what we want, to be liked or to survive. Somehow we all have an actor within and I think that that’s one of the most basic characteristics of human nature. This drawing has to do with that idea. The man in the picture is in this costume imitating a casawary (a large bird) in a ritual to attract animals. He has to feed his family and this is a primitive way for him to get what he needs.
How many times have you found yourself not being yourself? How many times have you said what you didn’t mean? I don’t think that it is human to be transparent to the point where you say exactly what there is in your mind. We are too fragile to expose ourselves 100%. We feel the need to protect ourselves all the time. So let’s say that up to a certain point it is completely fine to act. What I think that it is not good is when we lie to ourselves. How many times have you been in some kind of bad situation where you know that something is wrong but you want to convince yourself that everything is OK? In that case you’re fooling yourself, you’re acting against yourself. This happens in such a subtle way. The thing is that because it is only you in the play it is hard to step back and see what’s going on with you from the distance.
This drawing was part of a show that I did with Anamaria McCarthy in Havana in 1999.
I am going to include it in my solo show next month. But I don’t really want to sell it because it means the world to me. I always say that art has a curative quality and this drawing saved me around the time when I created it. It helped me step out of myself and see all the things that I had to change in my life.
This is one of those special movies that you should definitely NOT miss. BELIEVE ME. It hasn't been released yet but I was lucky enough to have access to a screening (the fact that this movie has been produced by the indie company that my husband runs is just a coincidence:) This film is BEAUTIFUL, MOVING, UNIQUE, ORIGINAL, FUNNY, WELL DIRECTED, WELL ACTED. It is one of those movies that stay in your heart forever. I won't tell you the story but you can see the trailer here. I can tell you anyway that the big box in this picture contains Lars' (Ryan Gosling) girlfriend who he got on the internet. I'm in love with Ryan Gosling; he is one of the men in my secret love life (don't worry Billy, you will always be my numero uno) and he is one of the finest young actors alive! Did you see Half Nelson? He was amazing.
Just a photo of some vintage children's books that we get at flea markets. And talking about vintage right now as I write this I hear my neighbor talking with her cats. Well, they are really street cats but she loves to feed them and they seem to like her too, I wonder why? :) She is an old lady who dresses up everyday to look like a doll, you would enjoy seeing her. When my Mom comes to visit us from Florida (she doesn't speak any English) my neighbor loves to "have a little talk" with her. I am the translator which is easy because she always says more or less the same thing: Listen... I am sure that if I could speak Spanish we would be great friends. My Mom always replays with a big smile: Oh, I am so sure about that. If I could add my neighbor to my vintage collection I would place her in some special shelf of honor. My respects to all the old ladies who keep their image up. When I'm old I want to be like you.
Doll for my solo show next month. I made the head out of clay with glass eyes. The legs are from an old porcelain doll. The body is a mix of materials like cardboard, paper acrylic paint, collage etc.
Insects look fragile but they are stronger than we imagine. They can survive extreme situations. And if they gather in groups they could kill an elephant! The same thing happens with women sometimes :) I made this imaginary insect based on this idea. (This piece is for the show next month too)
The body is made out of clay and the wings are vellum paper laminated and then coated with some matte varnish that looks like wax. I also applied some patina for the old look. The photos are antique pictures of women that I collect.
This morning I had a visit with the owner of Couturier Gallery where I am having my solo show next month. His name is Darrel Couturier and he is a sweet man. He speaks French, Spanish and English. We were discussing everything about the show and I was showing him the progress of what I am doing. Now I have to take some good pictures for the invitation. We have to start mailing them soon since the opening is on October the 20th.