The Story of my Dad and I (The End)

 

But a real miracle happened! My Dad recovered from the surgery and the infection. He lost a lot of weight but the Dr. said that there was no cancer or anything to worry about. He just needed to take care of himself and everything was going to be fine. THANK GOD! Dad took his plane to Miami, Florida and finally, we were able to celebrate his arrival. I had never been more excited about seeing my Dad. Ever since he arrived here in the USA I felt like the little 8-year-old girl who used to wait for him everyday at home. A part of me had missed him so much for so long. 

 

30 years later my Dad and I have found each other in a wonderful place. We're both adults now, we're both parents and we both know lots of things that we din't know before. I am now a better daughter and he's now a better Father. The most important lesson that we have both learned in all these years is that love doesn't die. True and deep love is something amazing and tough that nobody can kill. My Dad planted the seed of love in me when I was a little person. He left a deep mark in my life when I was a little girl and that little mark, that little seed waited patiently for the good weather, for water and sunshine to sprout. That little seed has quickly turned into a beautiful plant with flowers and fruits.

Since my Dad arrived here in LA I have been treating him like a living treasure. At almost 73 now he's still lots of fun and makes me laugh all the time. We share the same sense of humor and a very similar positive view of life. I can't even tell you how grateful I am to have him right here next to me for the longest time that we have ever spent together. 

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Now, let's imagine that I'm able to go back in time being the adult that I am today so I could talk with my Dad and Mom, as a friend. This is what I would say:

PLEASE, listen: As painful as this divorce is for both of you, you have to take a minute and think about the way your children are experiencing all of this. Their pain is different to your pain, you don't like each other right now (no matter what the reasons are) but they LOVE and NEED BOTH of you. Time is going to pass by, things are going to change, they're going to grow up and the divorce will be something from the past but the damage is always going to be there in your children's hearts. If you think about the future now maybe you could do things differently. Mom, tell your children that their Dad loves them deeply no matter what. Dad, tell your children that their Mom loves them deeply too. Make a great effort to separate your own personal feelings from your children's feelings. They deserve that effort, I know that it's hard but that effort will make a huge difference in their lives, I can tell you this from my own experience.

Love and peace to all!

Elsita :)

Comments

[nadia]

dear elsa, your story is so marvellous, your aptitude to spread love all around you and succeed leaves me dreamy...i haven't seen my mom for 11 years and was about to send her a loving letter to reconnect with her (she will be 80 this year)when my elder brother warned me that she said that even dead she didn't want to her about me...CAN YOU IMAGINE SUCH A DESTROYING MOM...I feel so poor, me and my love and growing up mind...just don't know what to do...

Much love to you and your family and many thanks to genersouly share your experience with us.

(i'm french, hope my english's ok ?)
nadia

[mariella]

Well said! Love never dies. And a great message to parents to always consider your children's feelings first. What our parents say to each other, be it good or bad leaves a huge mark on our young minds and heart. May your garden always blossom.

p.s. Nadia's story is heart breaking. I hope Nadia sends her mom a letter. What her mother said was very very hurtful but at least she can say she tried to make peace with her mother.

peace to all and hoping for the best for Nadia.

[Joanna]

Thank you for sharing this story Elsita. I wish you and your dad a wonderful time reconnecting with each other! you are so right in saying that parents should concider their childrens feelings when they divorce. The trauma is enormous and all a child wants from both parents is love!!
joanna

[margaret Oomen]

all any of us really want is to love and be loved
we need that as much as we need food, water and air
nadia should listen to the voice within her own heart and do what it is telling her
as should we all
lots of love dear elsa

[Donna]

Thanks for sharing a true love story and a lesson everyone should remember. I am so glad you have been able to reunite with your Father and can understand and forgive everything from the past. Enjoy every minute with him!

[michele (maryland)]

Elsita: such a very happy ending for a wonderful new beginning. You are so lucky, both you and your dad, to get this second chance..life is too short.

Nadia, please send your mom that letter. She may not ever tell you she is glad to receive it, but I am sure she will treasure it. Good luck, you need to make the right decision for YOU.

[kirsten]

Elsita, this story has been so touching for me. It is very close to my own experience. I'm so happy for you to have come to this place in your life with your dad...

xo,

Kirsten

p.s. a big hug to Nadia...I agree that you should follow your heart in this very painful situation with your mother. In the end, there is a certain peace in knowing you have come to the best place possible in your own feelings for her regardless of what how she responds to you.

[Diane]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful journey of love with you father. It took me a long time to reconcile with both my parents, but I did and there is no more joyous feeling. We do see their side much clearer as adults, and understand their stresses.
My father always had bad things to say about my mother even while they were married. My mother never had a bad word to say about him. I loved my mother and felt very protective of her. It took a very frank letter to him later in life to finally come to an understanding with my father. But we did, and that is what counts. Mistakes and misunderstandings happen. Hurt is inflicted unknowingly. Parents have their own stresses that children see. But, in the end, if you can feel their love, that is what matters. That is the salve that heals the wounds.

[Flassie]

I enjoyed reading your story. That is how I felt when I was a child, so I made sure my kids seen their dad. Glad I did because he got cancer and died when they were kids.

Nadia write the letter today and send it today.
Time is so precious and we only have the gift of
today.

Sometimes people are mean because they have had a
brain injury or something. We don't know. Alzheimers,
strokes, dimentia, brain injuries, overgrowith of yeast in the body, chemicals of some sort, like cleaning products, tabacco. etc, can cause people to not be pleasent. That isn't who they really are. People don't really want to be mean. So don't take offense by your moms comments. Just show her love anyway. At least you tried, like Marilla said.

God Bless You and Yours!!!

[Lois Collins]

Thanks soooo much for sharing your story Elsita. I agree! Luckily my mum never said bad things about my dad when he left us...but I still felt confused and guilty when I went to see him and his new wife!!!! (My mum was never even nasty about her, just smiled years later when she divorced my dad and got most of his money!!!!!!)
I agree about Nadia, just try and speak your truth from your heart. Might not be easy, but you know you'll have done the right thing! :0) Big hugs, xxx

[nadia (Strasbourg, FR)]

thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you for your SO FRIENDLY AND ENCOURAGING WORDS for me to try and make a step towards my mum...i hope to find the strength to do so...You are right, the main thing is to find peace if not love...I have a loving family myself now (a husband and 3 children) and it took me all that time to feel ready to forgive all the pain and send an understanding and peacefull message...i PROMISE to try and not let myself drawn in an ocean of tears...

Much love and all the best to you all
nadia

[Elsita :)]

Dear Nadia,
I am sure that right now you find in your own family all the love that you haven't have from your Mom. Life is an amazing cycle, the more we mature and grow up the more life compensates us for all the things that we didn't have before. I am sorry for your mom because it looks like she has had a hard time finding peace within herself. But the most we can do is to do our best and then let the other people decide how to respond to our efforts. You should do whatever comes out deep from your heart. I want to send you a big hug!
All my best for your and your family!
Elsita :)

[Redheadmomma]

Elsita, you made me cry with happiness at the love & forgiveness that you cultivated. I would say to enjoy every minute, but you already are. XO R

[colleen (bcharmer)]

Thank-You, Elsita, for this beautiful story of your experience with your Mom and Dad's divorce. I have tears in my eyes as I read, and your illustrations really say it all. I have healed a little bit from my own experience with my Mom and Dad's divorce because of these recent posts.

[consuelo mendez]

gracias elsita por tu cuento de vida. tu blog está siendo inspirador para mí. gracias desde Venezuela

[nadia (Strasbourg, FR)]

thank you elsita for being such a beautiful person, you deserve the best of life, you're working so heartfull for it...
AMITIE SINCERE
nadia

[Louise]

Thankyou for sharing yourself with us again. Your honesty is a wonderful gift.

[Alex Mora]

LOVE, LOVE AND MORE LOVE. TO GIVE PLENTY OF IT WHYLE WE CAN AND NOW IS OUR CHANCE WITH DAD.

[Janet M]

This is to Nadia, it is probably worth it to try and re-connect with your Mother, but be prepared for it to go bad, some people are impossible to reach.
We are all here on earth for such a short time, it's much better to live with love than with hate. Fill your life with people that you love and who love you in return.

This is for Elsa: You've re-connected with your father, now how about your sister? Her illness was not your fault, and breaking away from her did not cure her (perhaps the cure was time). Think about it.
Love

[Sarah Vazquez]

Thank you Elsita for sharing this beautiful story!

[dutchbaby]

I just love happy endings! Thank you for sharing this part of your life with the world and for the beautiful advice at the end of the post!

[Cameron]

Elsita you're a beautiful spirit and your story is so wonderfully shared in this medium. Thank you for doing so and for bringing peace and joy to so many of us who have such similar stories. I can completely relate to the loss of a father, the experience of divorce (my mom was divorced twice) and to the reconciliation you write about. All of these experiences have shaped me in so very many ways. I've just reconnected with my biological father as of July 2009 and this time around of knowing him as an adult has been such a tremendous gift! I wonder if these deeply rooted experiences are what have drawn me to your art so strongly, your expressions of how you learn and grown and what you do with the emotional process along the way... Brings a smile to my face every time! Anyway, thanks again and I'm so very happy for you (and dad!).

P.S. My tattoo is ALMOST done... maybe one more session this month? I can't wait! ;o)

[Becky]

Elsita, Your art and your words are so inspiring. I believe that these posts about your parents' divorce would make an amazing book for children/young adults.

[Laura]

Hola Elsita!

Muchas gracias por compartir esta parte de tu vida, con ilustraciones muy lindas además. Para mí ha sido muy emotiva e inspiradora. Te felicito por tus creaciones y tu forma de ver la vida, y también por esta historia que seguro puede ser una lección para muchos padres e hijos.

Un abrazo.