The Story of my Dad and I (part 2)

My Dad became a distant figure during the time when I became a teenager. Not because he wanted to, but because I did everything to stay away from him and from the rest of the adults in my family. I was growing up and trying to be an adult myself, I was trying to figure out how to be a woman at the age of 15. That's when I moved to another province with my first official boyfriend because I wanted to start a life on my own. 

 

I soon learned many lessons about relationships. I learned about non-compatible personalities and about braking up and about being unhappy and needing to move on and about starting over again. The more I experienced life the more I thought about my Dad and Mom and the more clear it became to me why they couldn't stay together. My relationships with men were always long. Instead of separating as soon as something didn't work I stayed committed to make things work. This was hard but good at the same time because little by little life was answering all those questions that I had asked  myself when I was a little girl.

 

I became a real woman in the process of growing up and then it was a lot easier for me to understand the meaning of divorce because I experience it myself, after 6 years of marriage. 

During that time my Dad visited me, I was living in Havana back then, in my own apartment. His visit was an important one. We spent a few days talking and trying to go back to those times when he couldn't even talk about why we had to go away. I felt closer to him but I still had the shadow of my Mom's words and all the things that she used to say about him all the time. It was like a subtle poison that had taken over some part of my brain. I desperately wanted to love my Dad again with all my heart but I couldn't. 

I had no idea that in order to get there I still had to grow up a lot more. We can't really consider ourselves grownups until we're able to see beyond our parents' ideas and points of views. It takes a while for us to find out who we really are and what we REALLY think about things, about everything.

(I will continue tomorrow)

 

Comments

[Lois]

That's soooo true Elsita, about growing up before we can understand that our parents are just real, fallible human beings! If they divorce when we are young it confuses us...they are SUPPOSED to be superhuman!!! I'm so glad that your relationship with your dad has reached a new level....I bet you'll both never stop learning from each other! :0) xxx

[Mim]

That last line is most important! It is a life lesson we must all face and it can be terribly hard. I know some "adults" who haven't mastered it yet.

[margaret Oomen]

This personal story of your is so far echoing the story of my husband and his severed and now repaired relationship with his father. His parents divorced when he was a young teenager.

[Donna]

Oh Elsa, you cannot imagine how this story resonants with me. My children (now adults) struggled so when their father and I divorced. Hearing your story is helping me understand what they were and are still going through.

[michele (maryland)]

Elsita: I do wish I could send this story to my Husband's three grown children. Their mother spoiled their relationship with him 10 years ago, when we married.
He misses them so much, and has tried very hard over the years to have a relationship with them, but they are not willing to give him a chance. They are all in their 20s now and none have had a relationship of their own, so they still have lots of growing-up to do before they can understand and hopefully reach out to him. He does miss them so. Thank you for offering your side of the story that is so common in this world. This gives us hope.

[Janet M]

You are so brave to share this story with us, I admire your courage and honesty. It's really wonderful that you have this chance to re-connect with your father, it's a special opportunity. Thanks for sharing your feelings.

[Joanna]

Elsita thanks for sharing this intimate story. I also come from a divorced family and never spent enough time with my dad. I have to say that though, that no matter what kind of differences my parents had, my mom never said negative things abt my dad. What really matters now for you is reconnecting with him and spending quality time with him. Life is too short... joanna

[Gina Purlia Johnson]

On the contrary, I come from a family whose parents just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary!
It was pretty much a "Leave it to Beaver" childhood (except my Mom didn't wear pearls and pumps)!
Thank you for allowing me to see another perspective! And I am so happy for you and your Dad to reconnect!!
----Gina

[Redheadmomma]

Elsita, I have lurked on your site since Rooster's mom sent me over to you. I have always love these posts, but I was tearing up at these beautiful heartbreaking stories & illustrations. Whenever you decide to illustrate books - even to illustrate something this complicated to children whose parents have to go - it would be so successful, and it's something that is so needed in such a confusing world - your love just shines right through.

XO Redheadmomma